And then my “friends”. Like I really have any. The people I used to consider my “best friends” don’t even treat me right anymore. You can’t continually treat your best friends like crap and expect them to put up with it. You say you’re just being honest. No, that’s not what it is. I’ve known you since fourth grade, we’ve been best friends since sixth grade and NEVER did you EVER make me feel like how you do now. It’s like in your senior year you completely changed how you treated your “friends”. Did you really expect us to continue to put up with it? I mean really? I’m not going to stay buy your side if one week you’re asking if I want to get fast food with you and the next you’re blowing up on me because I won’t ask my sister to go even more out of the way. That whole fight was stupid. But I am so glad it happened. Especially since you tried talking to me in a calm way about why you were mad and we agreed we’d both try to be better but then you were saying behind my back how you still didn’t want to be friends. Ok, that’s cool. I’m really done this time. There’s nothing to stop me now. I have a concert with you in like a weekish, but after that don’t expect a word from me to you. It’s funny though, I was looking back at our senior pictures, the ones all five of us took at the lake. In both the pictures, you’re standing by the two people who don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore. And when you stopped being friends with cheyenne, you had me going to. It’s not like I didn’t like her anymore, I just wouldn’t talk to her that much because I knew you’d get mad. I regret that so much too. Friends don’t tell other friend not to be friends with someone that was apart of the group. But I let you get to me for awhile. And when I did hang out with her, you got mad about it. What right do you have to get mad over something like that? It’s your fault she doesn’t want to deal with you either. And now you’ve done the same with me. And I’m sure you’ll make candice feel bad about hanging out with me if she decides to when me move out of the dorm. But you know what makes me really mad? The fact that you can’t mind your own business. I understand Candice vents to you about me and I don’t really care because I do the same with Devyn and Britt. But NEVER have you seen them get involved in mine and her business. I’d actually be mad if they did. How about they have that #teamsam crap like last time. That was seriously so stupid. I never vented about that but here it is. I can’t stand even seeing you anymore. You treat the people you consider your friends so poorly. Especially if they’re nice because you know they’ll let you walk all over them. But I just can’t take it anymore. I don’t even want to be acquaintances or anything. I’ll be happy never seeing you again to be honest. It’s really dumb that because of you other people don’t like me. You’re just manipulative is what you are and I’d rather you not be a part of my life.
The people I considered “close” to me in high school weren’t even there for me on my grad party. It’s like as soon as high school ends, they just cut you off. I regret having so many friends in high school. Because they all let you down.
The only people who make me feel like I’m there friend is Sabrina, Jessica, and Cheyenne. Well Candice too, but she’s my roommate. I mean do you know how nice it is to have someone call you several times a week just to talk to you. Or have someone talk to you that never thinks/ says bad stuff about you behind your back. Or people you can talk to about anything and them not judge you. I will never use the word “friend” so loosely again, that’s for sure.
I think it’s really stupid that you know I feel about the girl and yet you keep getting closer to her. You’re completely ignoring my feelings about the situation and it is so wrong. It’s not like I’m over reacting either, other people have agreed with me because it is wrong. Oh hey, my girlfriend doesn’t like me being around you but I’m going to do an internship with you, do sound for synth with you (which was completely your choice), hang out with her, take classes together, leave your girlfriend to go smoke with her, ( knowing how I feel about smoking).. And then you’re going to tell me you’d rather have me mad then not hang out with her? Clearly you don’t care at all how I feel. It’s like if you said you didn’t want me hanging out with some guy, even if I was close friends with him, I would still listen to you. You are the most important guy in my life so I’d give up any guy for you. And you won’t do that for me? You’re showing me she’s more important to you than me. “I’ll ask you before I hang out with her and consider your feelings if you say no” That was such a lie. I keep having dreams about you cheating on me, and you keep asking me why. Maybe it’s because you make me feel like I’m nothing to you. I mean I’m not even the type of girl you like so why are you even dating me. Plus, I think it’s funny. Last night you said “once a cheater, always a cheater.” But you cheated on one of your girlfriends with me in ninth grade so what does that say about you? You told me that wasn’t cheating but what else would that be consider. You had a girlfriend and you had feelings for me and we were cuddling all night long. You shouldn’t even have feelings for another girl, let alone cuddle with that girl till like 5 in the morning. If that’s not cheating, I can’t even imagine what you consider is. You add any girl you think is attractive on facebook, and that really just kills me even more. I mean aren’t I good enough for you, I don’t understand why you have to do that. I just can’t stand this. I can’t stand you anymore. All you do is make me cry. You only care about your happiness. You don’t care about us. You make me feel like you wouldn’t care if we were’t together. “I would care” You know what? Then prove it. I can’t emotionally do this much longer. I care more about you than anyone, except maybe your family. I’m so willing to go above and beyond for you and you can never do the same for me. How is that even fair? I try really hard to work on my faults, but you could care less about yours. You never talk to me, text me, want to spend time with me or anything. I swear I’m just going to stop asking you to even hang out. Let’s see how often you see me then. “you’re one of the most important things in my life” then why do you treat me like such crap and walk all over my feelings like they’re nothing. If you loved someone you wouldn’t do that. Just like if you loved someone you wouldn’t put some other girl before them. It’s like I want to spend my life with you and I have no clue what you want. You never EVER talk about the future or what you want out of this relationship. And when I asked you you got all angry with me. You always say to me you know I love you. Sure you say you love me all the time, but your actions say the opposite. It’s like you look for excuses not to talk to me. You used to make me feel special but all you ever do now is make me feel like a horrible, unimportant person. Don’t even get me started on the smoking. I told you when we first started talking I wasn’t okay with the smoking, YOU were the one that told me you would try to quit. I didn’t force it on you at that time. Since you told me you would try to quit I kept talking to you. I don’t think anyone understands my hatred for cigarettes. The smell makes me so sick to my stomach. I can’t stand watching people kill themselves by such a stupid thing like that. You were trying too and you were doing good. But as soon as you started hanging out with your friend more it’s like my feelings went out the window to you. If I knew this was how it was going to be I wouldn’t even had started dating you. I mean what happens in the future? If we ever move in together? There won’t be smoking in that house and you will smoke no where near me. And if I smell it on you, I’m going to get mad. And how is that going to effect our relationship. I’m not okay with it and I never will be, I told you that from the beginning so why should I have to be the one that gives up how they feel, like always. It’s such bullcrap, you bought an e cigarette so you wouldn’t be smoking the real things but after a month you gave up on that too. I was so happy then and we were getting along so well when you did that but you make it so obvious you could care less about how I feel about things. I can never trust your word anymore either and I hate it. I want someone I can rely on and I can never rely on you anymore. If something other than you is bothering me and I want to talk to you about it, it’s not like I ever can because you’re always too busy to talk to your own girlfriend. So thanks for always being there for me. It means so much.